This is an exercise to help uncover our unconscious relationship history.
Disclaimer: I apologise in advance…you’ll know why once you’ve done the exercise…(but you will be very happy you’ve done it!)…
Instructions
The exercise comes in 2 parts. And should take no more than 15-30 mins.
Part 1:
All you need is a sheet of paper and a pen to write out a set of 5 questions & 5 answers. Give yourself no more than 5 mins per question.
Part 2:
…can be found at the bottom of this page – the game does not work if you read ahead to part 2 before completing part 1, so I have slightly hidden it at the bottom of this page. Once you’ve completed part 1, scroll down to see part 2.
Part 1
Write down the answers to the following:
1. List 4-6 (e.g. 2-3 Mum, 2-3 Dad) of your parents’ positive qualities
(Leave a blank line here:)
Answer here:
2. List 4-6 (e.g. 2-3 Mum, 2-3 Dad) of their worst traits:
(Leave a blank line here:)
Answer here:
3. What I most wanted from them as a child and did not receive (1-4 wants):
(Leave a blank line here:)
Answer here:
4. How I felt when my love needs were not met (1-4 feelings/experiences):
(Leave a blank line here:)
Answer here:
5. How I reacted when my love needs were not met (1-4):
(Leave a blank line here:)
Answer here:
———————————————————–
Part 2
See below. Don’t ruin it for yourself and sneak ahead! It won’t work!
Don’t do it!!!!
Part 2
Now in the blank line between each question and its answer, write the following line under the corresponding question:
1. I go through life looking for someone who is/does/has/etc…
2. When I find someone the things that most trouble me about them are:
3. What I most wish they would give me is…
4. When they don’t give me those, I feel…
5. And I react by…
Like this…
1. List 4-6 (e.g. 2-3 Mum, 2-3 Dad) of your parents’ positive qualities
(Leave a blank line here:) I go through life looking for someone who is/does/has/etc…
Answer here:
2. List 4-6 (e.g. 2-3 Mum, 2-3 Dad) of their worst traits:
(Leave a blank line here:) When I find someone the things that most trouble me about them are:
Answer here:
3. What I most wanted from them as a child and did not receive (1-4 wants):
(Leave a blank line here:) What I most wish they would give me is…
Answer here:
4. How I felt when my love needs were not met (1-4 feelings/experiences):
(Leave a blank line here:) When they don’t give me those, I feel…
Answer here:
5. How I reacted when my love needs were not met (1-4):
(Leave a blank line here:) And I react by…
Answer here:
———————————————————–
Sobering, eh??!?!?!!
…I did apologise earlier….
“Everywhere I go, in everyone I see, I see Mummy & Daddy, & they see me”
It turns out what served as childhood needs becomes later exactly the same needs we have in intimate relationships.
And we seek for others to fulfil these for us, as they do us.
Essentially, we are all little children wandering around in adult bodies…
What to do?
“Taking responsibility for self is a full time job and is the biggest part of the work that must be done in relationships”
– Murrey Bowen
Sending love out to you…
X